Friday, September 5, 2014

for henry...


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we gathered again

on the 10th of august

for an evening at our happy place-

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the beach.

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with our people.

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dinner and wine (with the most perfect name).

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cake.
decorated with love, for the boy we celebrated.
...

wishes and prayers
we wrote
and sent-

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happy birthday 
we sang

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up to heaven
for our boy

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henry patrick waldo jagger

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smiles
and kisses
and tears
love and gratitude
...

two. xo

(last year)

Monday, September 1, 2014

august, fully loaded...

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just when we get
deep into the delicious ease of july-
that sandy, joyful, barefoot, afternoon-napping bit of summer...

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august arrives-
uninvited.

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august is...

hard.

and fast... too fast...

heavy rememberances
dreaded goodbyes
twisted and mixed up with
joyful celebrations

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 wham! bam!
and it's over-
like a tornado
through your soul
and then...
there your are.
exhausted. 
battered. 
and standing, yes... standing...

but alone

on an empty beach

everyone gone
but so not forgotten...
and every year it just feels harder-
this deep-in-your-bones emptiness

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and here we are
home
but so.very. homesick.
for our tribe.
and those summer days
we wait all year for...

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all of a sudden, we are here...
sitting on the edge of fall
not ready for the jump-

but before we can even take one last breath
school and meetings and a calendar full of appointments
are pushing us in.




Wednesday, July 2, 2014

here. back, again...

well...
i guess that's what i went ahead and did-
it's been nearly 10 months since i've checked in here
and i'm not sure if there is anyone still out there
but i do hope so
and i thank you. thank you, for coming back

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the time away has been good to me
so, so very good to me
and i've found myself craving a return-
there is so much to share

(and a new look, coming soon
which feels so right and so good)

but for now, i'm ready
for the long over-due
dive back in
...

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

this.

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nursing this babe
in a jumble of pillows
our bare skin
golden
in the milky early morning sun
a coolness of fall, nearly begun
and raindrops 
whispering good morning
while lulling us
back to sleep

...


these moments.
of motherhood
motherhood !
they are thick with joy
but they are going. too. fast.
i'm feeling desperate
to pause.
submerge.
and float around in each second.

i've always been
running ahead
always waiting and wanting for the next day, year, milestone...
my mum used to warn me not to "wish my life away"-
at three i was begging for kindergarten and soon after, for so long, all i wanted was to turn 30 (!)
to get married, to own a home, for babies...

but now
here i am-
a baby
our baby
deep asleep on my chest
and
life feels 
just. right.

it feels
like what i've been waiting 
my whole life for...




Tuesday, August 20, 2013

celebrating henry

throughout this past pregnancy
i kept peaking ahead
to this month-

august

with a scramble of emotions-
love, fear, anxiety, pain, excitement

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the due date of our daughter
the anniversary of losing henry

i needed to find a way
to remember our sweet son
and the excitement i felt
on the day he was born-

the day i became a mom

in a way
that wasn't totally 
sad
or 
scary

i needed a celebration.

to find a way to honor 
what a joy he was
in our lives

even

if it was only for just 
11 days
.

something to share 
with our family
who felt the loss of henry
almost as completely as we did

a new tradition
that our future children
would love 

so...
we planned a birthday beach night-
our favorite kind of easy summer celebration

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a sand-side picnic

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our favorite people

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mama-decorated birthday cake

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taps at sunset
...

and then
after the sun had gone down

we sent paper lanterns
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into the night sky

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decorated with our 
wishes + prayers

for henry patrick

on his first birthday
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and it was

a celebration
...

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with love and thanks
xo






Sunday, August 18, 2013

she

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emily waldo jagger
arrived thursday
august 8th
at 9:40am


oh, oh...
there is so very much to share

and i will

but i'm completely distracted
by her milky, deep-sleep sighs 
on my chest

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it's been almost exactly a month
since i've posted
and it's been a bursting one for sure-
a roller coaster 
of summer goodness
paralyzing anxiety
and love

love. love. love.

with each 
long-awaited 
deep, deep breath 
that i take
weighted only by 6lbs 12oz
of slumbering sweetness
i can feel 
my heart
being stitched 
from the bottom 
up...

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welcome
sweet birdie
welcome
xoxo


photos: orchardcove

Thursday, July 18, 2013

rainy summer sundays

those lazy summer days

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hazy with light rain
guiltlessly off the beach

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 sprawled across a couch
falling deeper
into a good book

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lunching

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with the whole crew

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around the family table
in the light of day

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lobster 
laughter
and
full bellies

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...

sunhats
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waiting...