Wednesday, August 15, 2012

flashbulb

that's what they call it, right?

a flashbulb moment-
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that instant
when your

life

stops
and
suspends

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when your hopes and dreams and plans

change and shatter
and

disappear

Photobucket
...
friday, august 10th
6:33pm
...

i gave birth

...
8lbs 2oz, 21.5"
of
baby boy

blue
Photobucket

...
after a long, but healthy pregnancy
followed by a long, but wonderful abc labor and delivery
we didn't get our skin-to-skin and delayed cord clamping and long-dreamed-of introductions

instead

he was whisked away-
a little suction
we thought
meconium
we knew

laying
helpless
in the big recovery bed
when doctors came back
so we could "make decisions about our son"

deprived of oxygen
brain trama
seizures
cooling

now
we wait

tests 
and questions without answers
time and healing


but no plans
only prayer

...
my love
henry patrick waldo jagger
8.10.12

photos: amanda xoxo

16 comments:

Orchard Cove Photography said...

Sending you all tons of love and hugs. I love you so much. xxoo

Deb said...

Sending strength and hope and love.... Beautiful photos, Amanda. What a treasure.

Erika said...

This makes my heart hurt. Sending strength and peace, and hope for a miracle.

blair said...

s & r, be strong...all our prayers and thoughts are with you & henry. love & thinking of you both... keep strong little man henry. xoxo, blair

Carri said...

Thoughts and prayers for you!

Megan said...

Perfectly sunny morning broke into torrential thunderstorm as I was reading this. No words. Wishing you all the strength in the world.

bsmithhill said...

Wishing you strength and hope. Thoughts and prayers to you.

Leandre said...

Oh, sweet sister. My heart aches for you and Reid. Sending you all our love and strength.

Frannie said...

Sarah, Reid and Henry - you are all in my thoughts and most certainly my prayers. Sending an endless stream of love your way.

talley mayer said...

that last comment was from me. I am here with my mom (frannie), our heads together in sorrow, but our hearts joined in hope.

Mel said...

so much hope, love and prayers being sent to you from NYC...xxx

kelliz27 said...

A longtime 'lurker' on your blog...please know my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family all the way from Minnesota...xoxo

Lynne said...

sending you prayers and strength.

Anthia said...

We are sending you, Reid, and Henry all our love, strength, and hope.

Wicca said...

You don't know me - I am on Symphony where Reid is also a member.
Beautiful, sad, poignant.
My heart goes out to you and yours.

Wicca Davidson

Kathleen O'Grady said...

Came across your blog from a pattern that I saw online and I started reading your posts. I don't know you but want you to know that I will send a prayer for you and your family. Wishing you strength and hope. Your blog is beautifully done.