this.

nursing this babe

in a jumble of pillows

our bare skin

golden

in the milky early morning sun

a coolness of fall, nearly begun

and raindrops 

whispering good morning

while lulling us

back to sleep

...

these moments.

of motherhood

motherhood !

they are thick with joy

but they are going. too. fast.

i'm feeling desperate

to pause.

submerge.

and float around in each second.

i've always been

running ahead

always waiting and wanting for the next day, year, milestone...

my mum used to warn me not to "wish my life away"-

at three i was begging for kindergarten and soon after, for so long, all i wanted was to turn 30 (!)

to get married, to own a home, for babies...

but now

here i am-

a baby

our baby

deep asleep on my chest

and

life feels 

just. right.

it feels

like what i've been waiting 

my whole life for...