this.

nursing this babe

in a jumble of pillows

our bare skin

golden

in the milky early morning sun

a coolness of fall, nearly begun

and raindrops 

whispering good morning

while lulling us

back to sleep

...

these moments.

of motherhood

motherhood !

they are thick with joy

but they are going. too. fast.

i'm feeling desperate

to pause.

submerge.

and float around in each second.

i've always been

running ahead

always waiting and wanting for the next day, year, milestone...

my mum used to warn me not to "wish my life away"-

at three i was begging for kindergarten and soon after, for so long, all i wanted was to turn 30 (!)

to get married, to own a home, for babies...

but now

here i am-

a baby

our baby

deep asleep on my chest

and

life feels 

just. right.

it feels

like what i've been waiting 

my whole life for...

celebrating henry

throughout this past pregnancy

i kept peaking ahead

to this month-

august

with a scramble of emotions-

love, fear, anxiety, pain, excitement

the birthday of our boy

the due date of our daughter

the anniversary of losing henry

i needed to find a way

to remember our sweet son

and the excitement i felt

on the day he was born-

the day i became a mom

in a way
that wasn't totally 

sad

or 

scary

i needed a celebration.

to find a way to honor 

what a joy he was

in our lives

even

if it was only for just 

11 days

.

something to share 

with our family

who felt the loss of henry

almost as completely as we did

a new tradition

that our future children

would love 

so...

we planned a birthday beach night-

our favorite kind of easy summer celebration

a sand-side picnic

our favorite people

mama-decorated birthday cake

taps at sunset

...

and then

after the sun had gone down

we sent paper lanterns

into the night sky

decorated with our 

wishes + prayers

for henry patrick

on his first birthday

and it was

a celebration

...

with love and thanks

xo

she

emily waldo jagger

arrived thursday

august 8th

at 9:40am

oh, oh...

there is so very much to share

and i will

but i'm completely distracted

by her milky, deep-sleep sighs 

on my chest

it's been almost exactly a month

since i've posted

and it's been a bursting one for sure-

a roller coaster 

of summer goodness

paralyzing anxiety

and love

love. love. love.

with each 

long-awaited 

deep, deep breath 

that i take

weighted only by 6lbs 12oz

of slumbering sweetness

i can feel 

my heart

being stitched 

from the bottom 

up...

welcome

sweet birdie

welcome

xoxo


photos: orchardcove

rainy summer sundays

those lazy summer days

 

hazy with light rain

guiltlessly off the beach

 

 sprawled across a couch

falling deeper

into a good book

lunching

with the whole crew

around the family table

in the light of day

lobster 

laughter

and
full bellies

...

sunhats

waiting...

faith

To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.

                                                        Oscar Wilde

with summer now upon us

and this next chapter

right around the corner

it's time to share-

we're expecting.

...

the past year has been a roller coaster to be sure-

anticipation, immense joy, soul-crushing heartache, game-changing friendship

fear, hope, anxiety, small miracles, trust

and 

love

...

now, at 32 weeks

there is no hiding this bump of our soon-to-arrive baby

no, we haven't shouted this pregnancy from the roof tops-

but

we are so very happy.

and grateful.

and excited.

also, yes, a little scared.

we are taking life one day at a time.

healing

and fostering confidence

we are looking forward

to august-

to remembering our boy

by celebrating his birthday

and to

welcoming

 his little sister

(yes! a girl!)

happy list

a collection

of the little things that have made my week

(started here)

...

OH shnikes!

i've been meaning and meaning and meaning

to get to this place

but

JUNE!

is here!

and half gone!

life has been busy, busy, busy

which, i suppose

is good-

these last two months-

filled with holidays celebrating parenthood

and warming tide pools filled with splashing babies

has left my heart heavier than i expected...

but, of course

there are the very happy things

that come with early summer, too...

dining al fresco

 

in our sweet backyard

rising with the sun

and finding such beauty

custom ellas

 

on their way to a colorado wedding

(and to be worn with cowboy boots! love!)

a surprise delivery

 

local, organic, summer berries

oh. my. yum.

and

the most happy thing of all-

the arrival of my people

those friends who really are family

whose summer migration north

makes every. little. thing.

feel

just

right.

Hallelujah.

happy list

a collection

of the little things that have made my week

(started here)

...

oh my-

what a month...

it's been 

insanely busy

with work

and very hard-

mother's day 

blindsided me

but bits of brightness

have gotten me here-

to the unofficial start of 

summer 

2013

hallelujah.

...

a little gift
of a full bunch
of the sweetest smelling bells

made a house in desperate need of a deep clean
 delightful

stitching

new designs

for a dear friend's
gatsby-esque
wedding

and celebrating love

with raspberry meringue
on top

soul resuscitation

ahhhhhhh...

this place

it's people

and spring

in bloom

...

a few days away

for a 

deep-down 

revive

sometimes

life's simplest pleasures-

sun

food

family

are just enough

...

early spring by the shore

empty stretches

of low tide beach

rolling dunes

of greening beach grass

a pup

learning the way

of the sandy-dog life

bundled

with the view

of a hazy horizon

readying

for summer

...

a happy list, of a saturday sort